Sitting beside the river in silence from thoughts. Energy from running water and blowing wind enters my body from my toe tips and flows out the top of my head. Loving energy swirls in my being fortifying and sanctifying it. I’m filled with undeniable truth, I’m not alone, I never was.
That I’m able to quiet my thoughts through meditation, even when it’s only a few minutes at a time, has deeply affected my life and sanity. I don’t constantly feel a vague sense of hopeless unease. I’m able go longer between attacks by the mean voice in my head that tries to convince me that I’m worthless, stupid, unloved and unworthy of anyone’s friendship. I can sleep most nights without nightmares. I don’t stay up ruminating and regretting. I recognize that I’m enough.
When someone who is vehemently against labeling people put a label on me it stopped me cold.
I’ve only ever wanted to be myself. Now I’m trapped in a box with a definition of who I’m supposed to be.
This podcast discusses issues pertaining to how to rescue your family from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. When most people wake up and realize the real truth about the religion, they want to tell everyone. Because Jehovah’s Witnesses have been trained to shut down when others speak negatively about the Watchtower, Bible, & Tract Society aka JW.ORG, […]
Jehovah’s Witnesses adhere to what is called a “two witness” rule when it comes to handling allegations of child sex abuse in their religion. This rule demands that there be a second witness to this abuse, if the accused person does not confess, in order for elders to remove the abuser from the congregation. No […]
By rules, I am not bound
Inside you, I am accepted
Authentic self, found
“No communication using words, gestures or body language.” Those words gave me a sense of nostalgia a feeling of a childhood home. Breath used only to sustain life not to give life to concepts created by heart and mind. Understanding early on that the hugs and kisses only existed in front others. Pushed away verbally and physically when it was, “…just us.”
Everything will hurt me because it will never be what I want to hear. I will react instead of thinking clearly and logically. I am worthless unable to control my sinful desires. Greedy because I don’t feel complete with what others would consider an abundance. I ask for the connection willingly. Having never tested my endurance at the intensity of unintentional cruelty that will be inflicted I take full responsibility for being unable to control my heart should it implode.
And then there was you. Giving freely what others hoarded, you asked me for nothing in return. Theoretically, I understand, but my heart is still confused even after all this time. Standing close to me I feel your heart feeding love into mine. There is understanding in your eyes and a smile upon your lips for me but for what reasons? While I long to ask, “Por que.” I cannot get past the fear that everything will hurt me because it will never be what I want to hear.