In a flash, I became conscious of your love’s searching touch upon my heartstrings. I believed myself impenetrable, of stone and steel, not blood and bone. Gently you’ve been guiding me considerate of my inexperience. Eyes locked, slowly you move with me, pressing me into your heart, your hand on mine. We will grow together, independent yet intertwined.
You were just supposed to know
I needed a hug
I wanted to feel safe
I was afraid of your indifference more than your anger
You were making me anxious and fearful about the person I was inside
When I was in pain when my heart ached
You were supposed to know
I am driving up a curvy mountain road in the snow. Lost in the dark, searching for the route that will take me home. I wonder if I’m dreaming I don’t remember anything before this. I want to pull over to the shoulder, but there is no guardrail only orange safety rope with big sections missing. Beyond there is only darkness, and I imagine a steep drop off. If only I could remember my name, I’m confident I’d know if this were reality or a vivid dream.
I have to drive faster the snow is starting to pile up and drift onto the blacktop. Looking into the rearview mirror, I gasp and quickly direct my attention back to driving. A little girl sitting in the backseat arms outstretched she’d been reaching out to me. Pale white face and hazel eyes. Her mouth opens wide in a silent scream. In my head, her wail, “Why did you kill my family?”