Hesitantly I walk into the laundry room the air humid and smelling faintly of bleach. I need my mom’s permission to go on a four-day camping trip with Nina. Desiring to spend time with my love and her family. Even though we were keeping our relationship a secret, I still wanted to feel a part of them.
“Mom, I want to talk to you about something important.” I attempt to make eye contact, but she is concentrating on socks and jammies.
“I don’t have time right now,” she says with a little bit of impatience and anger in her tone. Does she know where I’ve been? Her hands moving quickly amongst a pile of socks turn into birds with long sharp beaks jabbing at tall grass.
“If I were to help could I get you to talk with me?” My heart beats a little faster I need her to say yes, but it is never easy to have a conversation. It is hard to know what she thinks.
“Estas bromeando?” She laughs as she brushes past me. “You’ll only help to get what you want is what you are saying? Finish the rest I need to make dinner; your dad will be home soon.”
“Mom, please come back I just used the wrong words.” Before my brain could react, my hand reached out and grabbed at her left arm trying to stop her. She whirled around, and for a split second, I saw beautiful ballerinas in bright colored dresses twirling.
Head whipping back from the force of her open handed slap I lost my balance and fell. I could feel the heat radiating from my cheek, tailbone aching from falling on my ass. I try to get up as fast as I can in case she’s looking but she’d already walked out the door.
Holding back my tears I whisper to myself; I want this, I have to work harder. Heart racing I take deep breaths so that I can focus on my failure to engage my mom. I rushed in without thinking the conversation through. I lost control of my body because I gave in to emotion. The solution then is to do the opposite.
I retreat to my room to plan out my next steps.