I am lost inside myself walking on forgotten paths. I loop around then I’m back where I started. I am searching for something precious. I can’t remember what it is, but I can feel the emptiness in my chest. It hurts so much when I breathe I wish the pain would stop.
I stumble into awareness feeling so fucking lost and alone. Standing in the middle of a crowded street filled with strangers pushing, bumping and shoving into me. Struggling to fill my lungs and feed oxygen to my brain I panic. I try to rush through the mass of hot sweating faceless bodies without falling. Tripping, arms flailing, knocked down I am crushed.
Opening my eyes as my coffin lid closes I am trapped inside. My lips are sewn shut my nose plugged with cotton, empty I lay in the darkness. Somehow not needing to breathe I’m still alive. I am exhausted but don’t remember the reason for it. Slowly filled with a sense of contentment, I relax into the satin pillows and allow myself to float away.
I am standing behind her my arms around her waist. Pulling her petite body into me, kissing her shoulder then her neck, breathing in the heady fragrance from her hair. She pushes back into me rubbing her body against mine. Looking over her shoulder, she says, “That wasn’t meant for you.” I nod my head and sigh, but I don’t let go instead I nip gently at her ear.